New Elements On The Periodic Table
Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less) pounds
Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may
freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very
bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver,
platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left
alone. Able to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns slightly green when
placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of
wealth. Probably the single most powerful income
reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !@#$&*!
Atomic Weight: 180 +/-100 pounds
Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature,
but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and
sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples
are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young,
Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes
explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to
produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can
communicate with it. Shit may just be the most
powerful word in the English language.
CONSIDER THIS: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for
brains. With a little effort you can get your shit
together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit,
forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die. You can shit or go blind,
have a shit fit or just shit your life away. People can be
shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded, and shit over.
Some people know their shit while others can’t tell the difference between
shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits,
crazy shits, and sweet shits. There is bull shit, and horse shit and chicken
shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck
when the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit, give a shit, or serve shit
on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit, or be
happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are
hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times
when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit
or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a
mountain of shit, or find yourself up shits creek without a paddle.
Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don’t
want any shit at all. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other
times you swim in a lake of shit and come out
smelling like a rose.
Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block
of creation. And remember, once you know your shit,
you don’t need to know anything else