New Elements On The Periodic Table

Element: WOMAN

Symbol: Wo

Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less) pounds

Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may

freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very

bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver,

platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left

alone. Able to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns slightly green when

placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of

wealth. Probably the single most powerful income

reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element: MAN

Symbol: XY

Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !@#$&*!

Atomic Weight: 180 +/-100 pounds

Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature,

but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and

sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples

are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young,

fresh samples.

Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes

explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time.

Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to

produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

Shit!

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can

communicate with it. Shit may just be the most

powerful word in the English language.

CONSIDER THIS: You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for

brains. With a little effort you can get your shit

together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit,buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit,

forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die. You can shit or go blind,

have a shit fit or just shit your life away. People can be

shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded, and shit over.

Some people know their shit while others can’t tell the difference between

shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits,

crazy shits, and sweet shits. There is bull shit, and horse shit and chicken

shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck

when the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit, give a shit, or serve shit

on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit, or be

happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are

hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times

when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit

or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a

mountain of shit, or find yourself up shits creek without a paddle.

Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don’t

want any shit at all. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other

times you swim in a lake of shit and come out

smelling like a rose.

Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block

of creation. And remember, once you know your shit,

you don’t need to know anything else