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New Elements On The Periodic Table

Element: WOMAN Symbol: Wo Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less) pounds Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when...

70 things we’ve learned from the movies

1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. 2) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. 3) The ventilation system...


Stages of Life

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 beer 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for...

Brief eines Bayern an die NASA

Greet God, I write you, because you must help me. I have seen your Space Shuttle in the television. In color. And so came me the idea to make holidays in the world-room. Alone. Without my crazy wife. I am the Kraxelhuber. The King of Bavaria was my clock-clock grandfather....

The Creation

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said %>Let there be light! #Enter user id. %>God #Enter password. %>Omniscient #Password incorrect. Try again. %>Omnipotent #Password incorrect. Try again. %>Technocrat And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. %>Let there be light! #Unrecognizable command. Try again. %>Create...

Nie wieder Alkohol

Stufe 1 Ein normaler Werktag, sagen wir mal Mittwoch, 23.00 Uhr. Du hattest ein paar Bier, willst jetzt eigentlich nach Hause gehen, denn du musst morgen früh raus, zur Arbeit. Da gibt jemand noch eine Runde; ein Selbständiger, Nichtangestellter. Und du sagst: Ach komm, so lange ich noch sieben Stunden...