Kategorie: Lustige Texte englisch

Who’s Hu in the Oval Office?

Der Präsident George W. Bush trifft Sicherheitsberaterin Condolezza Rice. George: Condi! Nice to see you. What’s happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China. George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of China. George: That’s what I want to...

New Elements On The Periodic Table

Element: WOMAN Symbol: Wo Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less) pounds Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when...


Fuck

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word „fuck“. It is the magical word which, just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language, „fuck“ falls into many Grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb...

70 things we’ve learned from the movies

1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. 2) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her. 3) The ventilation system...

Stages of Life

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE AGE DRINK 17 beer 25 beer 35 vodka 48 double vodka 66 Maalox SEDUCTION LINE 17 My parents are away for the weekend. 25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend. 35 My fiancee is away for the weekend. 48 My wife is away for...

Funny things to do at a funeral

* Tell the widow that the deceased’s last wish was that she make love with you. * Tell the undertaker that he can’t close the coffin until you find your contact lens. * Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first. * Tell the widow that you’re...

How to poop at work

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival...

Strange Questions

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why...

Funny things to do in an elevator

* Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. * Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. * Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: „Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!“ * Whistle the first seven...

The most interesting and unusual Facts

Facetious and abstemious are the only words that contain all the vowels in the correct order. „Adcomsubordcomphibspac“ is the longest acronym. It is a Navy term standing for Administrative Command, Amphibious Forces, Pacific Fleet Subordinate Command. „Almost“ is the longest commonly used word in the English language with all the...