Funny things to do at a funeral
* Tell the widow that the deceased’s last wish was that she make love with you.
* Tell the undertaker that he can’t close the coffin until you find your contact lens.
* Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.
* Tell the widow that you’re the deceased’s gay lover.
* Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.
* At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
* Walk around telling people that you’ve seen the will and they’re not in it.
* Ask the widow to give you a kiss.
* Drive behind the widow’s limo and keep honking your horn.
* Tell the undertaker that your dog just past away and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.
* Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.
* Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.
* Leave some phoney dog poop on top of the deceased.
* Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.
* Urge the widow to give the deceased’s wooden leg to someone poor who can’t afford firewood.
* Walk around telling people that the deceased didn’t like them.
* Use the deceased’s tongue to lick a stamp.
* Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.
* Take up a collection to pay off the deceased’s gambling debts.
* Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.
* Put crazy-glue on the deceased’s lips just before the widow’s last kiss.
* Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.
* If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.
* When no-one’s looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased’s mouth.
* Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream „MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!“ and pretend to faint.
* At the cemetary take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.
* Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.
* Tell everyone you’re from the IRS and you’re confiscating the coffin for back-taxes
* Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn’t keep a straight face while praising the deceased.