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* Tell the widow that the deceased’s last wish was that she make love with you.

* Tell the undertaker that he can’t close the coffin until you find your contact lens.

* Punch the body and tell people that he hit you first.

* Tell the widow that you’re the deceased’s gay lover.

* Ask someone to take a snapshot of you shaking hands with the deceased.

* At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.

* Walk around telling people that you’ve seen the will and they’re not in it.

* Ask the widow to give you a kiss.

* Drive behind the widow’s limo and keep honking your horn.

* Tell the undertaker that your dog just past away and ask if he can sneak him into the coffin.

* Put a hard-boiled egg in the mouth of the deceased.

* Slip a whoopee cushion under the widow.

* Leave some phoney dog poop on top of the deceased.

* Tell the widow that you have to leave early and ask if the will can be read before the funeral is over.

* Urge the widow to give the deceased’s wooden leg to someone poor who can’t afford firewood.

* Walk around telling people that the deceased didn’t like them.

* Use the deceased’s tongue to lick a stamp.

* Ask the widow for money which the deceased owes you.

* Take up a collection to pay off the deceased’s gambling debts.

* Ask the widow if you can have the body to practice tattooing on.

* Put crazy-glue on the deceased’s lips just before the widow’s last kiss.

* Show up at the funeral services in a clown suit.

* If the widow cries, blow a trumpet every time she wipes her nose.

* When no-one’s looking, slip plastic vampire-teeth into the deceased’s mouth.

* Toss a handful of cooked rice on the deceased and scream „MAGGOTS! MAGGOTS!“ and pretend to faint.

* At the cemetary take bets on how long it takes a body to decompose.

* Goose the widow as she bends over to throw dirt on the coffin.Circulate a petition to have the body stuffed instead of buried.

* Tell everyone you’re from the IRS and you’re confiscating the coffin for back-taxes

* Promise the minister a hundred dollars if he doesn’t keep a straight face while praising the deceased.